December 2016

Abstaining for 21 Days: Detox Diet Diary Day 10

It’s 8:55 p.m. Give you an inkling what my day’s been like? I’ve tried, whenever possible, to write this food journal in real time, as events unfolded or immediately following. Today, whenever possible wasn’t possible. Here’s how it all began . . .

In a Galaxy Far Far Away, a Detox Diet Battles the Blackberry
Once upon a time, there was a big girl who worked too late every night, woke up very early each morning, and never ever ever got enough sleep. Now, this girl used her Blackberry as her alarm clock. And every morning, it went off at 5:45 a.m. She set it for 5:45 a.m. because she liked to hit the snooze button once or twice. This allowed her to wake up slowly before actually dragging her sorry—and until her detox diet is over, way too large—ass out of bed. One morning, this big girl heard her little girl shout, “MMMOOOOMMMM!!!” She jumped out of bed, as anyone with 14 years in emergency-Mommy-preparedness is trained to do, ready to fix whatever disaster had befallen the little girl.

Her mommy radar on high alert, she quickly processes the following: her room is brighter than normal, on school days she always wakes her daughter from a deep sleep after showering and dressing herself, and she doesn’t remember her alarm going off. Watch check—she would have liked to look up and clearly see the time on her cable box, but Verizon doesn’t have those in stock! Apparently a clock is a dream your heart makes. 7:55 a.m. Excuse me??? Little girl is supposed to be at school—now. How is this happening? Process . . . process . . . process . . . The poor big girl’s brain is uncaffeinated, so her thought process won’t sharpen until coffee is administered. UUUGGGHHH!!! She realizes either her alarm didn’t go off, or more likely, she hit “off” instead of snooze. Careless mistake! The big girl doesn’t have the time, or patience, for that sort of thing.

So, the big girl and the little girl throw on their clothes, grab school books and laptops and winter coats, kiss Sadie goodbye, and fly out the door to grab a cab to school. The big girl alerted school of the delay, promised the little girl she would take the blame, emailed her breakfast meeting she would be a bit late—it already being 8:23 and the meeting at 8:15—and strategically applied makeup at red lights and traffic slowdowns. Huffing and puffing, she arrived at her breakfast meeting and all was well. She did declined anything but coffee, since her beautiful Fairy Foodmother Yvette had delivered detox diet meals each day using healthy recipes to make freshly prepared food. And that is a happily-ever-after ending everyone can share.

Use the Force and the Detox Cleanse Meal Plan!
So, twisted fairytale over, breakfast meeting over, quick trip to the dermatologist—10:15 appointment, 9:00 a.m. juice still waiting—then land in the office. Katrina’s still feels sick—I worry—hunt down pics of pigs. Dania says they’re yucky-looking. I want to say, You’re yucky-looking, but a) I’d be lying—she’s gorgeous; b) I’m not in kindergarten; and c) I can forgive her for anything, including insulting my poor piggies. Just don’t show this to Pebbles and Bam Bam.

Editorial flow humming along, meeting with Melissa, story review with Daniela, edit Lindsay H’s story that she filed at midnight—very grateful, plus it’s great, so doubly excited. Older child calls and says, “What do you want? Stop bothering me.” OK, snarky is definitely inherited. Yesterday, younger child admired my leather gloves with fur trim at the cuffs. Would you like to borrow them? Yes, where’d you get them? Someone gave them to me for my 40th birthday. Oh, you mean they’re vintage. She didn’t really just say that with a straight face, did she? Wow. It was only after I raised an eyebrow—yes, I can raise just 1—that she smirked. Cheeky!

2:26 Yummy lunch—red lentil hummus in cabbage leaf. Takes about 30 seconds to eat, and that’s with making a concerted effort to savor it slowly! Everyone else had the roast chicken lunch special from the cheap and yummy place—I’m terrible with names—and I’m at peace with it. I’m not really hungry on this diet plan. Being able to reach for something 6 times a day is quite the diet meal plan. You don’t have much time in between to be naughty or even think about it. Practically before you finish 1 meal you’re on to the next.

Discuss story/video game plan with Lindsay. I swear, she pulls in more top names than someone with twice her on-paper experience. And her stories are better than theirs! Meet with Daniela, then dash home to make dinner for hungry older child. Wish Melissa good luck with her broadcast on my way out, but she won’t need it!

Phenomenal Food = Delicious Dieting
6:ish and I’m only an hour-ish late for lemonade. Not bad. Dinner for older child. Dinner for Sadie. Johanna calls, confused by my morning text about running late to drop off at school. Explain. Briefly. Must work work work. Mother calls, reminding me to call my brother to wish him happy birthday. His birthday’s tomorrow, I say, not having needed any birthday reminder. Mom: But he’s leaving for the week on an early flight. And??? I don’t get it. My brother hasn’t been without cell phone service since my brilliant sister-in-law decided they should honeymoon in Bora Bora—no cell phone service there.

Got sucked into the laptop, and yes, it’s 9:23 and I’m starting dinner now. It’s phenomenal. (What? You were expecting delicious?) Curry vegetable croquette and chopped greens. If there were anything in the bowl to lick, I would. Meanwhile, Sadie’s wound up like the Energizer Bunny, homework homework homework, and by the time I look up, need to get older child to go to sleep, emails, emails, emails . . . they’re like those little furry creatures from Star Trek. Get rid of 1 and a dozen more flood in to take its place. Sounds like what happens after most diets, doesn’t it? Get rid of 1 pound, and at a certain point, many come back to take its place. So, halfway through this cleanse I’m starting to think about life on the outside. Maybe Yvette wants to be a parole officer!—Nancy Rotenier

Related Links
Did You Miss the Beginning? Detox Diet Food Diary Day 0
How Did the First Day on the Diet Cleanse Go? Day 1
Does Day 2 of My Detox Diet Live Up to Yvette’s Dire Prediction?
Disaster Strikes—But It’s Not What You Think: Detox Diet Diary Day 3
Crying, Coffee & Customer Service: Detox Diet Food Diary Day 4
One Week Down: Detox Diet Food Diary Days 5, 6 & 7
Anger Management & Rapper D: Detox Diet Food Diary Day 8
Down on the Farm with Detox Diet Food Diary Day 9

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