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March 2023

Abstaining for 21 Days: A Detox Diet Food Diary Day 0


The Night Before Starting My Detox Diet
Ok, seriously, the things I do for you people. I’m T minus 10 ½ hours and counting. Tomorrow at 9:00 a.m., Eastern Standard Time, yours truly is embarking on an adventure (translation: sugar rehab torture) with a 21-day healthy diet cleanse. Yes, you read correctly. Me of the Food Police Fesses Up: My Snacking Confession blog post, detailing my life of sugar-addicted crime. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Isn’t It a Healthy Chocolate Addiction?
To put this in the proper perspective, I miss my long-lost college mug that read: Chocolate. It’s Not Just for Breakfast Anymore. One printed Nancy Rotenier couldn’t have been more made-just-for-me. I haven’t told anyone outside of work about my little project. Honestly, I’m a little—ok, a lot—nervous about it, and I didn’t think the incredulous laughter would boost my confidence. At work, Tara keeps saying, “I can’t wait to see this.” Can’t you just hear the smirk?! Dania, who sits next to me every day, asked if she could work from home while I’m doing the cleanse diet and breaking my chocolate addiction. Starting to get the picture?

Why the masochistic diet cleansing? Somehow, it just feels like the right time—as in 4-weeks-away-from-spring-break-in-Florida right time with a body more Burka-ready than bikini. Add to that the basic need to lose some weight, the still-new year, eating habits that have gone from eccentric to abysmal, my friend Stacey’s convincing diet detox article, and meeting Yvette Rose, whose Joulebody Kickstart food cleanse program I’m undertaking. A fellow nurturer of everyone from family to total strangers, her warm, low-key approach is really what won me over—that, plus her promise that I didn’t have to give up my morning triple-shot Americano or lunchtime Diet Coke during the cleanse. I know my limitations!

Enter My Delivered Detox Diet Meals
So, I just got my first delivery of my diet food plan—5 days worth of freshly prepared food and juices that look like they would fit into 3 shoe boxes. (Hmmm, now there’s an idea for an end-of-cleanse reward!) Into that teeny tiny space fits all that I am allowed to consume for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack, an all-day, all-night affair, as far as I’m concerned.

Except that Yvette doesn’t think in terms of breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She’s got another system entirely. My delivered diet “meals” came precisely labeled in recycled-glass bottles and other eco-friendly containers. The food delivery also included a detailed printout of the foods and juices and their ingredients for each day of the 5-day diet food plan this week—weekends, you practice what she preaches but make the foods and juices yourself. That way, you’re not left hanging at the end of the diet cleanse.

Here, a Peek at Day 1 of the Diet Detox Cleanse Plan:
9:00 a.m. Raw: Berry Chai Smoothie
12:00 p.m. Replenish: Brussels Sprout & Shitake Mushroom Soup
3:00 p.m. Green Joule: Green
5:00 p.m. Citrus Cleanse
7:00 p.m. Protein: Spring Detox Stew
8:00 p.m. Balance: Cacao Brownie

Allow Me to Translate for This Food Diary:
9:00 a.m. Brown Juice—I’m scared.
12:00 p.m. Vegetable Soup—Totally doable.
3:00 p.m. Green Juice—Going to pretend it’s green vichyssoise and eat it like soup.
5:00 p.m. Lemonade’s Cleansing Cousin—no brainer. I’m all over this one!
7:00 p.m. Another vegetable soup—I’m good.
8:00 p.m. Yay-I’ve-made-it-to-the-chocolate deal closer/better-go-to-bed-right-after-because-there’s-nothing-left-to-eat-today brownie.

To stave off what is starting to feel like my first-ever anxiety attack, I remind myself that the pre-diet cleanse email suggested stocking up on raw vegetables to eat in addition to the food that is delivered. Sigh of relief—at least if I’m ravenous, I can shove something in my mouth! And there was that vegetable soup recipe that accompanied her article, which said the soup, and the vegetables it’s made from, are also allowed when necessary, necessary being a euphemism for starving!

All snarkiness aside, I’m issuing a warning to all skeptics planning on forming a betting pool based on my failing my detox cleanse! I am highly motivated—I love my clothes and they’re just the teeniest bit—ok, a lot—snug right now. And when motivated, I have the willpower to forgo chocolate, French fries, and all other last-meal-on-earth favorites. But to get from here to there, I may be one cranky detox cleanser. Let’s just hope my family and friends remember I do, in fact, love them more than ice cream. Really, I do. Stop laughing.—Nancy Rotenier

Related Links
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