“Where are the men?” my girlfriend clamored as our cocktails arrived. “Lately, the guys I’ve met are wishy-washy when it comes to planning the date. If we meet in my area of town, they ask me to pick the venue because they don’t know the area – like Yelp isn’t a thing. And when I offered the last guy restaurant suggestions, he asked what kind of food they serve. What kind of man asks a woman out and makes her not only plan the date, but make sure he’s comfortable with the cuisine, too?”
I’ve had my own run-ins with the boys, lately, as well. One asked me out for drinks and then told me to tell him when and where to meet, right after he let me know what area of town he works in. Another had my cell and email address after asking a friend to set us up, but chose instead to connect with me on Facebook leaving his number. I should call him if I want to go out, he messaged. If I wasn’t interested in going out with him, why would I have given him my cell and email address? I did not call. The last man I dated told me straight out he wanted to meet me, asked me what I prefer to drink, asked me what part of the city I live in, and set a date, time and place. We dated for months.
I realized I’m not looking for a guy. I’m looking for a man – a confident man who knows what he wants and how to treat a woman. I need to feel feminine. I enjoy being a woman and I enjoy men who enjoy dating grown women.
So while I join the New York City single woman chorus in a round of “Where are the men?” from time to time, I know it can’t be entirely their fault. We all felt we were supposed to be equal in the dating world, so we meet half way and offer to split the check. We all compromised too much. Men got softer. Women got harder. And we’re all left wondering what we’re doing wrong.
My new approach to dating? If you want to date a man, be a woman. Being a lady, I have found, brings out the best in gentlemen. When they are given permission to be manly men, they rise up. And if they don’t? Well who wants a guy who can’t rise up to your feminine wiles? Here are my tips for the first date:
- A man plans the date. A woman appreciates the plan. If he says: “What do you want to do?” answer with: “I’ll let you plan the date.” Often enough, they are pleased to hear that. They want to know they are in charge of the first date. It makes them feel like a man. When a man does plan the date, a woman is sure to mention all the details he took into consideration to make it a lovely evening, and thanks him graciously.
- If he says: “Let’s meet half way” or “There’s a great little bar around the corner from my apartment,” say: “No, thank you.” A man makes the date convenient for the woman he’s asked out. A man doesn’t inform a woman about where he lives or where he works. He knows it’s irrelevant. He’ll find a venue near his date. I’ve actually said: “I think you’re adorable and I’d love to go out with you but it seems like you don’t really want to date me. When you want to take me out, call me.” That man called the next night and asked me out to a great new sushi place in my neighborhood. We dated for a couple of months.
- A man is confident, even if it means he has to try a little harder. When a guy says: “Let me know if you want to go out. Here’s my number,” don’t call. A man would just call you. Or at least text you. If you do want to go out with him, look him straight in the eyes and say: “I would like to go on a date with you. Here’s my card.” And walk away. A man will call.
- If you’re not sure whether or not it’s a “date,” he’s a guy. A man is always clear about his intentions. This does not mean his intentions are polite. But he’ll be clear.
- If he says “It’s just casual, so like don’t get all dressed up or anything,” he’s a guy. A man wants to date a woman who is dressed like a woman out on date.
If you want to date a man, be a woman. Be a strong, confident woman, but be a woman. A retro-modern approach to dating may not be for every woman, but man, do I love it.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on my theories. Share them in the comments below.
Photo credit: Ana Schechter
Melanie Notkin is the founder and CEO of the award-winning SavvyAuntie.com and creator of the popular Savvy Auntie® lifestyle brand – the phenomenon heralded by fabulous kid-friendly women everywhere as a celebration of modern, cosmopolitan aunthood. Melanie is the national bestselling author of SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts,Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) and a contributor to Huffington Post Women with a focus on single and childless women. She resides in New York City.
There are women who believe they have the “mystery” that are men covered. After all, don’t men just think about sex, sports, video games, food … and more sex?!
Believe it or not, guys think about women in ways that don’t always involve the bedroom. Having coached hundreds of men during the courtship process (and dozens of women), below are five truths about the way men think.
What Men Want, Think & Mean
1. When it comes to makeup, less is ALWAYS more. Men love seeing what you truly look like — especially in the morning. In fact, today, men see large amounts of makeup as a sign of insecurity, vanity and high-maintenance.
And the ironic thing is guys think you look hottest in running shoes and your workout outfit — the time you think you look the least put together. It should explain why guys approach you when you’re wearing your sweatpants and flip flops on your “I don’t care what I look like” day.
2. Although men care about physical beauty, what really matters is inner-beauty. If you are ugly on the inside, no amount of lipgloss can detract from it. Superficial beauty may catch men’s eyes, but natural beauty keeps it.
By Thomas Edwards, Founder of The Professional Wingman
|The Beauty Bean, a free online magazine and weekly e-mail newsletter, is an intimate guide to beauty inside and out. Drawing on the expertise of our editorial team, we offer our readers an insider’s look at the latest products, research, and trends in beauty, fitness, and wellness to help the modern woman lead a healthier and more beautiful life. Setting The Beauty Bean apart from other sites, however, is the underlying goal of promoting better body images and preventing eating disorders through the elimination of the usual focus on weight loss. Visit regularly for relevant reviews of the latest must-have products and treatments, insider tips, professional tricks, and current trends in fitness, nutrition, and beauty.|
If you’re traveling this weekend and struggling with what to pack, here are some tips from Lindsay Brooke Weiss:
If you’re anything like me, you start to mentally make packing lists a couple of weeks ahead of your travels, followed by written lists entailing more concrete outfits. If you’re nothing like me, take my advice on how to pack in an organized and timely manner. You’ll never be stressed out from packing again!
* Start to visualize what types of outfits to pack, depending upon the weather where you’ll staying.
* Keep a list in your planner (I still use my Smythson diary to keep me organized) or Blackberry of thoughts on what to pack. This list will be with you at all times, in the event something jars your memory (camera charger?) or you think of a dress in your closet that’s perfect for the dinner you’ll be attending. Write it down.
* A couple of days before your travels, make definitive outfits out of the articles of clothing on the list, marking which outfits are for night and which are for day.
* Don’t forget to include your accessories that will accompany each look (jewelry, heels, bags, etc.). **Note, because heels take up a lot of room in your bag, try to base your outfits around them so you only have to take one or two pair.
* Keep a separate list of what to bring in your carry-on. For me this will include a book (Kitchen House), Jolly Ranchers, Blackberry chargers, camera, socks and a sweatshirt for the plane.
* The night before departing, leave a Post-It on your door of items you can’t leave without. This should include your purse, carry-on and suitcase.
* Go through your lists the day of traveling to guarantee you’ve packed everything on them.
Lindsay Brooke Weiss (Cohen) is a fashion and accessories editor and on-air style expert. She was previously Haute Living’s editorial director, Niche Media’s fashion and accessories editor and fashion editor for L-Atitude.com. Lindsay has been a frequent contributor at styledon.com and is a regular guest stylist on NBC’s “Gossip Gram.” For more articles from Lindsay, check out her site!
Image Credit: lambdasigmapsiu.com
From Harry Winston to HSN, Carol Brodie has accumulated a vast knowledge of information and celebrity style tips. Her virtual jewelry boutique, Rarities Fine Jewelry with Carol Brodie, can be found on HSN as can her monthly visits which feature roughly 35 to-die-for new styles at affordably fabulous price points. If you are dreaming about wearing everything on Barney’s first floor… dream no more. Carol’s collection is chock full of her favorites… which are bound to become yours. Here are her tips for summer-fabulous sparkle:
What are the best investment pieces for this summer?
Blackened jewelry will be all the rage this fall, so how about starting now by buying pieces that pair gold and silver such as the Champagne Diamond Vermeil Disc-Shaped Earrings. The Indian Mughal Dyansty was the inspiration for these earrings which celebrate the sun and the treasures of the earth. A long layering necklace is so important all year long… try this one to update every summer mini and maxi. And don’t forget the cuffs… worn single or by the pair, cuffs always provide the necessary extreme makeover!
What is the one piece of jewelry that you never take off?
My obsession with the evil eye and hamsa hand go way back to summer holidays in Israel and Greece. My diamond evil eyes have so much become my signature that I am just launching my first ever Swiss-Made timepiece with the iconic design brilliantly sparkling on the dial. You can never wear too many talismans and I always suggest that the hamsa and evil eye should be worn together for maximum style and protection.
What do you suggest we do to clean our jewelry in the summer?
My favorite summer secret is the jewelry bath. Gemstone and diamond jewelry gets dirty very quickly with sunscreens, soap and moisturizers. Mix the solution: 1 part ammonia, 1 part dishwashing liquid and 2 parts warm water. Bathe your jewelry (except woods, opaque gems and pearls) 10-15 minutes and use a soft tooth brush to gently wipe away the dirt. Rinse with cool water and pat dry with a soft cloth. Your jewelry will sparkle like new. For all other jewelry like coral, turquoise, wood and pearls, use a soft damn cloth to clean away the residues that are dulling the pieces.
Can we wear gold and silver together?
One of my favorite things to do is to mix and match my jewelry – old and new alike. I love to layer. I start with an antique piece or one that is black rhodium accented. I layer in yellow gold, rose gold and silver pieces to create a thoroughly modern look. Don’t be scared to experiment… I wear every color and texture of gold and silver as long as I have one estate or oxidized piece to pull it all together like this Diamond Rose Vermeil “Fleur De Lis” Ring.
I know you love to layer, any tips?
One of the things I’ve learned is to keep jewelry in PROPORTION. Choose one big piece and build from there. If you are wearing a chandelier or a long earring, choose a long necklace – 30 inches or more – to compliment the look and keep everything in proportion. Long and layered is a great way to get a big look while still wearing fine jewelry. Cuffs are my personal obsession, but when you wear them I would skip the rings and keep the focus on an important earring. With bead bracelets or bangles, the more the merrier. Stack them up half way to your elbow for drama and impact!
I lost my favorite earring at the beach, any suggestions?
Repurpose your jewelry — there is nothing worse than the single or ORPHAN EARRING lying at the bottom of your jewelry box. If you have lost an earring with sentimental or monetary value, take the other to your local, jewelry repair shop and have them turn your orphan earring into a pendant, charm or ring.
To see everything presented on air you can tune in to watch Carol Brodie on HSN on Sunday, June 19th from 11am – 2pm and again at 9pm on Sunday night. Be sure to check out HSN.com and order your favorite pieces on line. Styles sell out very quickly and she does not bring them back as they are true Rarities!