“Where are the men?” my girlfriend clamored as our cocktails arrived. “Lately, the guys I’ve met are wishy-washy when it comes to planning the date. If we meet in my area of town, they ask me to pick the venue because they don’t know the area – like Yelp isn’t a thing. And when I offered the last guy restaurant suggestions, he asked what kind of food they serve. What kind of man asks a woman out and makes her not only plan the date, but make sure he’s comfortable with the cuisine, too?”
I’ve had my own run-ins with the boys, lately, as well. One asked me out for drinks and then told me to tell him when and where to meet, right after he let me know what area of town he works in. Another had my cell and email address after asking a friend to set us up, but chose instead to connect with me on Facebook leaving his number. I should call him if I want to go out, he messaged. If I wasn’t interested in going out with him, why would I have given him my cell and email address? I did not call. The last man I dated told me straight out he wanted to meet me, asked me what I prefer to drink, asked me what part of the city I live in, and set a date, time and place. We dated for months.
I realized I’m not looking for a guy. I’m looking for a man – a confident man who knows what he wants and how to treat a woman. I need to feel feminine. I enjoy being a woman and I enjoy men who enjoy dating grown women.
So while I join the New York City single woman chorus in a round of “Where are the men?” from time to time, I know it can’t be entirely their fault. We all felt we were supposed to be equal in the dating world, so we meet half way and offer to split the check. We all compromised too much. Men got softer. Women got harder. And we’re all left wondering what we’re doing wrong.
My new approach to dating? If you want to date a man, be a woman. Being a lady, I have found, brings out the best in gentlemen. When they are given permission to be manly men, they rise up. And if they don’t? Well who wants a guy who can’t rise up to your feminine wiles? Here are my tips for the first date:
- A man plans the date. A woman appreciates the plan. If he says: “What do you want to do?” answer with: “I’ll let you plan the date.” Often enough, they are pleased to hear that. They want to know they are in charge of the first date. It makes them feel like a man. When a man does plan the date, a woman is sure to mention all the details he took into consideration to make it a lovely evening, and thanks him graciously.
- If he says: “Let’s meet half way” or “There’s a great little bar around the corner from my apartment,” say: “No, thank you.” A man makes the date convenient for the woman he’s asked out. A man doesn’t inform a woman about where he lives or where he works. He knows it’s irrelevant. He’ll find a venue near his date. I’ve actually said: “I think you’re adorable and I’d love to go out with you but it seems like you don’t really want to date me. When you want to take me out, call me.” That man called the next night and asked me out to a great new sushi place in my neighborhood. We dated for a couple of months.
- A man is confident, even if it means he has to try a little harder. When a guy says: “Let me know if you want to go out. Here’s my number,” don’t call. A man would just call you. Or at least text you. If you do want to go out with him, look him straight in the eyes and say: “I would like to go on a date with you. Here’s my card.” And walk away. A man will call.
- If you’re not sure whether or not it’s a “date,” he’s a guy. A man is always clear about his intentions. This does not mean his intentions are polite. But he’ll be clear.
- If he says “It’s just casual, so like don’t get all dressed up or anything,” he’s a guy. A man wants to date a woman who is dressed like a woman out on date.
If you want to date a man, be a woman. Be a strong, confident woman, but be a woman. A retro-modern approach to dating may not be for every woman, but man, do I love it.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on my theories. Share them in the comments below.
Photo credit: Ana Schechter
Melanie Notkin is the founder and CEO of the award-winning SavvyAuntie.com and creator of the popular Savvy Auntie® lifestyle brand – the phenomenon heralded by fabulous kid-friendly women everywhere as a celebration of modern, cosmopolitan aunthood. Melanie is the national bestselling author of SAVVY AUNTIE: The Ultimate Guide for Cool Aunts,Great-Aunts, Godmothers and All Women Who Love Kids (Morrow/HarperCollins) and a contributor to Huffington Post Women with a focus on single and childless women. She resides in New York City.
There are women who believe they have the “mystery” that are men covered. After all, don’t men just think about sex, sports, video games, food … and more sex?!
Believe it or not, guys think about women in ways that don’t always involve the bedroom. Having coached hundreds of men during the courtship process (and dozens of women), below are five truths about the way men think.
What Men Want, Think & Mean
1. When it comes to makeup, less is ALWAYS more. Men love seeing what you truly look like — especially in the morning. In fact, today, men see large amounts of makeup as a sign of insecurity, vanity and high-maintenance.
And the ironic thing is guys think you look hottest in running shoes and your workout outfit — the time you think you look the least put together. It should explain why guys approach you when you’re wearing your sweatpants and flip flops on your “I don’t care what I look like” day.
2. Although men care about physical beauty, what really matters is inner-beauty. If you are ugly on the inside, no amount of lipgloss can detract from it. Superficial beauty may catch men’s eyes, but natural beauty keeps it.
By Thomas Edwards, Founder of The Professional Wingman
|The Beauty Bean, a free online magazine and weekly e-mail newsletter, is an intimate guide to beauty inside and out. Drawing on the expertise of our editorial team, we offer our readers an insider’s look at the latest products, research, and trends in beauty, fitness, and wellness to help the modern woman lead a healthier and more beautiful life. Setting The Beauty Bean apart from other sites, however, is the underlying goal of promoting better body images and preventing eating disorders through the elimination of the usual focus on weight loss. Visit regularly for relevant reviews of the latest must-have products and treatments, insider tips, professional tricks, and current trends in fitness, nutrition, and beauty.|
If you’re sitting on the dating sidelines for a while because you have recently ended a relationship or marriage, you haven’t had the interest, or you’re just fed up and plain sick of it, maybe now is the time to get out there and meet someone great! As a Professional Matchmaker and founder of Samantha’s Table Matchmaking, I have some useful tips on getting back into the dating world:
- Once deciding to go back to dating, you need to start with a positive attitude. If you are optimistic about meeting someone, you will have more of a chance of making that happen.
- Think about giving yourself a dating makeover so you feel good about yourself and how you look. It doesn’t have to be anything extravagant. Try a new haircut, a new lipstick, or just a different “dating outfit.” It doesn’t matter what it is, just go out there looking a little different and you are bound to have some results.
- Reach out to your friends, family and colleagues and let them know that “you are back.” Most people are busy with their own lives, it’s time you let them know what is going on in your life. Tell them that you are open, interested and available to be introduced to someone if they think of anyone.
- Spend that $20 or $30 and try online dating. Maybe you had a bad experience in the past, but these are new times. With a positive and revitalized attitude things might be different this time around. Or if you have never tried it, give it a go! Many people have met their significant other this way.
- Schedule an appointment with a Matchmaker and at the very least get some good dating advice from that professional. Matchmakers like myself have been listening and observing what works and what doesn’t work when it comes to dating for years. Schedule a meeting and pick that Matchmaker’s brain.
- Ask a close but also straightforward friend to be brutally honest and tell you what they think might be an impediment when you get back out there to date. Ask them to critique you in an honest and helpful way so you can put you best foot forward.
- I remember what my grandmother said: “You get invited, you go, and you never know who you are going to meet.” Hence, whenever you get invited out, whether it’s a party, a gathering, a dinner, etc., even if you don’t feel like going, you go. You put on that pretty dress, a smile and positive attitude and you head out the door because “you never know…”
|Samantha Daniels is a professional matchmaker, television, personality, author, entrepreneur and founder of Samantha’s Table, a matchmaking service. A former matrimonial attorney, in 1999 Daniels left the world of divorce behind and founded her matchmaking service in New York City, quickly expanding to elite clientele on the west coast.In 2004 Daniels life became the basis for NBC’s hit show Miss Match starring Alicia Silverstone. Daniels a writer for The Huffington Post and in 2005 authored Matchbook: the Diary of a Modern-Day Matchmaker.|